Some personal & sensitive stuff post
**warning**
below I talk about some health problems that may be too much for some to read
This past week is not one I care to ever re-live.
I had highs, lows and lots of tears.
Let me rewind...
Before Jess left on deployment, we found out I was pregnant.
I think I felt every emotion possible, but shock was very high on the list.
I didn't even think it was possible to get pregnant again. My lady parts don't exactly work right, only one of my ovaries work, Crohn's a lot of times with make a female infertile...there are just so many things against me. With that said, I became extremely happy that I was pregnant. My heart felt really full. My desire to have another child never went away, we just never tried because I am too high risk.
So, this past week, I started spotting, then as the days went on the spotting became heavy and I had really painful cramps. My pregnancy symptoms seemed to go away, and I really thought I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. (I mean bleeding that much and being in that much pain, I just assumed the worst)
My heart felt broken, and dreams of the baby were crushed. I had picked out names, looked at cribs, dreamed of that wonderful smell babies have. The only thing I wanted was a hug from my husband, but he was thousands of miles away. Thursday, and Friday were tough days for me emotionally. I felt very alone, but I have some very special friends who called & emailed constantly to make sure I was okay.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and ended up being at the hospital until 12:30 am. After many, many tests. They diagnosed me with a "threatened miscarriage". It means they don't know what my body is going to do yet. They will do blood work & exams every couple of days, to see if my hCG levels are going up or down. If they go down the baby has passed. They saw the baby on the ultrasound moniter, and said it was in the right place (not an ectopic pregnancy). I just am not far enough to hear a heart beat yet. One thing I found interesting, was that they asked me if I was on fertility treatments? I didn't start to think about that until I got home. I have know idea what that means either.
So, now I am home, still having cramps and bleeding. It feels so awful to have to just "wait and see." I have such a greater appreciation for woman who have gone through this. I never knew how emotionally & physically painful this was/is.
I am okay.
I have my faith.
I know everything happens for a reason.
I'm not angry.
I am thankful & so grateful for all of my friends & family. I can never tell them thank you enough. Just to know someone is thinking and praying for me really lifts me up.
So now, I just have to wait and see what happens.
If anyone has gone through this I would love to hear your story.
love & hugs
latisha
below I talk about some health problems that may be too much for some to read
This past week is not one I care to ever re-live.
I had highs, lows and lots of tears.
Let me rewind...
Before Jess left on deployment, we found out I was pregnant.
I think I felt every emotion possible, but shock was very high on the list.
I didn't even think it was possible to get pregnant again. My lady parts don't exactly work right, only one of my ovaries work, Crohn's a lot of times with make a female infertile...there are just so many things against me. With that said, I became extremely happy that I was pregnant. My heart felt really full. My desire to have another child never went away, we just never tried because I am too high risk.
So, this past week, I started spotting, then as the days went on the spotting became heavy and I had really painful cramps. My pregnancy symptoms seemed to go away, and I really thought I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. (I mean bleeding that much and being in that much pain, I just assumed the worst)
My heart felt broken, and dreams of the baby were crushed. I had picked out names, looked at cribs, dreamed of that wonderful smell babies have. The only thing I wanted was a hug from my husband, but he was thousands of miles away. Thursday, and Friday were tough days for me emotionally. I felt very alone, but I have some very special friends who called & emailed constantly to make sure I was okay.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and ended up being at the hospital until 12:30 am. After many, many tests. They diagnosed me with a "threatened miscarriage". It means they don't know what my body is going to do yet. They will do blood work & exams every couple of days, to see if my hCG levels are going up or down. If they go down the baby has passed. They saw the baby on the ultrasound moniter, and said it was in the right place (not an ectopic pregnancy). I just am not far enough to hear a heart beat yet. One thing I found interesting, was that they asked me if I was on fertility treatments? I didn't start to think about that until I got home. I have know idea what that means either.
So, now I am home, still having cramps and bleeding. It feels so awful to have to just "wait and see." I have such a greater appreciation for woman who have gone through this. I never knew how emotionally & physically painful this was/is.
I am okay.
I have my faith.
I know everything happens for a reason.
I'm not angry.
I am thankful & so grateful for all of my friends & family. I can never tell them thank you enough. Just to know someone is thinking and praying for me really lifts me up.
So now, I just have to wait and see what happens.
If anyone has gone through this I would love to hear your story.
love & hugs
latisha
Comments
The pain you have resonated throuh my heart.
I have been married 11 years, and we had no children, went trough all sorts of treatments and tests.
Then suddently I end up bleeding and cramping... In ER they told me I had a misscarriage...
That was a surprise, that was sorrow, and ina a way happiness... at least I DID GET PREGNANT!
3 more years past-suddently strange things happening to me, and I find out-I am pregnant!!! And pain again... and spotting... I called doctors office, and they told me" Yeah, it seems you are misscarriing agai, oh, well try again later"
after so many years!!!!!!???? You kidding me????
But, a friend-nurse suggested I read a book of dr. Lee "what your doctor may not tell you about menopause"
))))) menapause???? you kidding me, right????
She told me: "no, he tells why some wamen misscary, and what to do, it's simple, why not to try?
She was talking about progesterone cream.
I tried.
Now I have a 4 year old boy, and almost 3 year old adorable baby girl))))
Ijust hope, you don't think that I am promoting anything. No, I am just sharing my expirience.
Knowing how lonely it felt, not having children when EVERYONE seemed to get pregnant all around me. How lonely and sad I felt when I didn't even knew I was pregnant, and loosing it...
So many years, so much loneliness!
And now, so much blessing.
I hope your story will have a happy ending. I will keep you in my mind, and wish all the best to you and your family.
Nadia
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and especially without your hubby. This is one experience that I haven't gone through, but I do have several friends who have and it is indeed a tough one. Of course yours is even toucher because of the waiting... that one I know about.
Such a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad you posted about it though. I'm sending you my hugs your way.
You are in my prayers and if you need anything, just ask.
Keep us posted. I am hoping for the best...
Hang on...hold onto your faith, your friends, everyone who loves you. Warm hugs coming through the ether from me x
hang in there sweetie.
Peggy Biggs
Sandra
*hugs*
My heart just breaks for you as it's such a painful ordeal. We went through similar sounding miscarriages twice between my pregnancies with our three boys and both just flattened me.
Once pregnant, it's like there is another seat at your table and losing that is agony.
That said, my son Avery (now 13) was a threatened miscarriage, the doctors actually said I had zero chance of him surviving and things worked out. There was bedrest, meds and a lot of prayers but we made it.
Praying for you.
Thanks for being brave and sharing your situation with us!
Julie
Huge hugs to you!
So sorry to only now be reading your blog. I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now while your husband is so far away.
My SIL's first pregnancy started out very scary like yours. She was in the ER about 4 times during her 1st trimester with heavy bleeding. Once she got out of the first trimester, she was fine. She's due in about 2 weeks.
I'm sending you good thoughts and you will be in my prayers.