Saturday, January 22, 2011

Some personal & sensitive stuff post

**warning**
below I talk about some health problems that may be too much for some to read

This past week is not one I care to ever re-live.
I had highs, lows and lots of tears.

Let me rewind...
Before Jess left on deployment, we found out I was pregnant.

I think I felt every emotion possible, but shock was very high on the list.
I didn't even think it was possible to get pregnant again.  My lady parts don't exactly work right, only one of my ovaries work, Crohn's a lot of times with make a female infertile...there are just so many things against me.  With that said, I became extremely happy that I was pregnant.  My heart felt really full.  My desire to have another child never went away, we just never tried because I am too high risk.

So, this past week, I started spotting, then as the days went on the spotting became heavy and I had really painful cramps.  My pregnancy symptoms seemed to go away, and I really thought I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. (I mean bleeding that much and being in that much pain, I just assumed the worst)
My heart felt broken, and dreams of the baby were crushed.  I had picked out names, looked at cribs, dreamed of that wonderful smell babies have.  The only thing I wanted was a hug from my husband, but he was thousands of miles away.  Thursday, and Friday were tough days for me emotionally.  I felt very alone, but I have some very special friends who called & emailed constantly to make sure I was okay.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and ended up being at the hospital until 12:30 am.  After many, many tests.  They diagnosed me with a "threatened miscarriage".  It means they don't know what my body is going to do yet.  They will do blood work & exams every couple of days, to see if my hCG levels are going up or down.  If they go down the baby has passed.  They saw the baby on the ultrasound moniter, and said it was in the right place (not an ectopic pregnancy).  I just am not far enough to hear a heart beat yet.  One thing I found interesting, was that they asked me if I was on fertility treatments?  I didn't start to think about that until I got home.  I have know idea what that means either.

So, now I am home, still having cramps and bleeding.  It feels so awful to have to just "wait and see."  I have such a greater appreciation for woman who have gone through this.  I never knew how emotionally & physically painful this was/is.

I am okay.
I have my faith.
I know everything happens for a reason.
I'm not angry.
I am thankful & so grateful for all of my friends & family.  I can never tell them thank you enough.  Just to know someone is thinking and praying for me really lifts me up.

So now, I just have to wait and see what happens.
If anyone has gone through this I would love to hear your story.

love & hugs
latisha

59 comments:

i {heart} papers said...

Aww...that is so bittersweet. I hope for the best, but know that everything happens for a reason. You'll be in my thoughts.

StampinCathy said...

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all of this at once. You will be in my prayers and thoughts! Big HUGS are coming your way and hope it might comfort you!

Basement Stamper said...

big hugs to you and praying for you and you family. Can only imagine what you must be going through.

Dianascarlett said...

Hi, you don't know me, but I follow your blog, you do marvelous things.
The pain you have resonated throuh my heart.
I have been married 11 years, and we had no children, went trough all sorts of treatments and tests.
Then suddently I end up bleeding and cramping... In ER they told me I had a misscarriage...
That was a surprise, that was sorrow, and ina a way happiness... at least I DID GET PREGNANT!
3 more years past-suddently strange things happening to me, and I find out-I am pregnant!!! And pain again... and spotting... I called doctors office, and they told me" Yeah, it seems you are misscarriing agai, oh, well try again later"
after so many years!!!!!!???? You kidding me????
But, a friend-nurse suggested I read a book of dr. Lee "what your doctor may not tell you about menopause"
))))) menapause???? you kidding me, right????
She told me: "no, he tells why some wamen misscary, and what to do, it's simple, why not to try?

She was talking about progesterone cream.
I tried.
Now I have a 4 year old boy, and almost 3 year old adorable baby girl))))
Ijust hope, you don't think that I am promoting anything. No, I am just sharing my expirience.
Knowing how lonely it felt, not having children when EVERYONE seemed to get pregnant all around me. How lonely and sad I felt when I didn't even knew I was pregnant, and loosing it...
So many years, so much loneliness!
And now, so much blessing.
I hope your story will have a happy ending. I will keep you in my mind, and wish all the best to you and your family.
Nadia

Katie Renz said...

Dear Latisha,

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and especially without your hubby. This is one experience that I haven't gone through, but I do have several friends who have and it is indeed a tough one. Of course yours is even toucher because of the waiting... that one I know about.
Such a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad you posted about it though. I'm sending you my hugs your way.

Dana Grothaus said...

Oh sweetie, I wish could give you a hug. I couldn't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I will be thinking of you and your family through this rough time.

Antoinette Seminario-Skinner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

If I could hug you and make you laugh I so would right now, sweet girl.

You are in my prayers and if you need anything, just ask.

Antoinette Seminario-Skinner said...

I haven't been through what you're going through pregnancy-wise, but I know going through all of this without your husband isn't easy. I wish you and your family nothing but the very best. You have a beautiful family and you inspire so many of us by sharing your creativity. Please try to get some rest and hang in there. I never know the right thing to say but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and big hugs ((xxxx))

daisydilly (vicki) said...

I know no words can help you and I know you need that hubbys hug but let me send you a cyper hug and a prayer.

Kazan Clark said...

oh my goodness - you are not alone. Just keep reaching out to people and time will pass quickly. I am sending you a ton of hugs and good wishes. I hope with all my heart that the outcome is what is best for you, your family and that tiny little baby.
Keep us posted. I am hoping for the best...

Tenia Nelson said...

You are not alone Miss Lady!! I have been were you have been twice.....it is super hard but my faith and family HAS kept me going. You just have to trust in GOD and GOD will help you out!!! I soooo feel for you right now....I really know what you are going through. If you need to chat please do not hesitate. Much love to you Latisha.

Laurel said...

Oh Latisha. You know I have been thru this, 3 times so far.... I am in the midst of fertility tests and am nervously having surgery on 2/1 and with the outcome, hopefully I will be able to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy. My heart breaks with you. I know exactly what you are going thru. Each day, you pray the bleeding and cramping will subside. But like you said, it's a waiting game and that is never easy. I am praying for you and if you need to talk, I am here.

~amy~ said...

Oh Latisha...sending you cyber hugs..

NancyS said...

WOW, Latisha, how difficult this whole situation must be for you. I am sending you lots of positive energy and plenty of prayers!

Pop, Paper, Scissors said...

About 35 years ago, I had a misscarage at home. I will say a prayer for you, the baby and your husband.

The Hoyt Family said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this, especially without your hubby around. I will be praying for you and ask my sunday school class to do the same. Everything does happen for a reason but that doesn't make the feelings go away that you are experiencing.

Jamie said...

I really hope everything turns out alright! I know how it is to not have your husband around, he missed my daughters entire first year! I have had a miscariage and I have had bleeding and went on to have a perfectly healthy baby. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts!

Ann said...

You are not along. (((((hugs)))))

Anne-Marie said...

Latisha, I too have been through this....my husband was also away, working...I had four perfect children, had miscarried one at 11 weeks, and was now about 5 weeks into a new pregnancy. I was also 36 years old. Pain, spotting, heavier bleed...my prayers were answered...beautiful baby boy, now almost 23 and just become a father.
Hang on...hold onto your faith, your friends, everyone who loves you. Warm hugs coming through the ether from me x

theCook said...

Oh, going through this while your husband is not there for support is awful... I really hold you in my thoughts and hope for the best!

Geny (Mommy Geny) said...

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this right now...I hope that everything works out and the baby is fine...they are tough you know:)! I did have a bunch of bleeding with my second pregnancy (Madison) but after it subsided and I rested a lot everything went well pregnancy wise. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie...take it easy and try to rest as much as possible.

Joan B said...

I am so sorry, particularly since your husband is not there. I so hope it resolves and you have your baby! You just never know in life, and that is so hard. I will be thinking of you.

Karen B. said...

Thinking of you and your sweet family. Every one person is an individual, but I have experienced something similar with agony. Every one person deals with it differently but here's to hoping you have the best outcome. It's not easy but I'm praying for the best for you. Kb

Cassandra said...

Hang in there Latisha, having no control over the situation is the hardest part and with Jess away. Will be thinking of you.

justkelly said...

Latisha, I want you to know that prayers are heading up for you and that precious little one right now in Florida. I can only imagine how difficult these days...these minutes are for you right now, especially with your hubby deployed. Please know that you are not alone. I know it seems crazy to think that people who have never even been in the same room with you could really care for you but we do. I wish I could hug you right now....so consider yourself hugged. Love, Kelly

Winter said...

I am praying for you and your family! God has a plan for everything! I know it must be hard for you to go through this with your husband deployed. Saying an extra prayer for you and him, as I know he would LOVE to be there with you!

Lori Craig said...

I'm praying for you, Latisha.

Patti J said...

Hugs and prayers to you, Latisha. I am so sorry that you are going through this without your dear husband. He is in my prayers as well, this must be torture for him, being away from you. Please take care of yourself.

Margie H said...

Latisha, just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and will be praying for you. {{{HUGS}}} to you!! xo

Andrea R said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this..prayers and hugs go out to you...

alethea said...

Thinking of you at this very emotional time!! I too had a miscarriage 7 years ago and it was the most harrowing experience of my life!!! I kind of new that I had lost the baby but to know that i had been carrying it for five weeks after it had died was the hardest thing to understand!! My body did not reject it so ended up havig to have a DNC!! But I now have two beautifu boys who I love very much!! I understand how you are feeling and I hope that you have the support and are strong enough to get through this!!! sending hugs your way!!

sisjulie1 said...

My sister when through this with her second pregnancy--her daughter is now in second grade. They said she could have been carrying twins and miscarried one. The only way they would have known for sure was if she had a c-section, but she did not. I hope you have the same happy outcome.

Gloria Stengel said...

I will lift you in prayer. May the Lord care for you and your little one. I pray that you can feel His arms.

Peggy said...

Sending hugs and prayers. I have experienced this twice and I always felt better just telling myself that it is in God's hands.

scrappinpeg said...

I'm a retired military wife and I know the separation times are really hard and in this situation even so much worse. Most of the time you are never near either of your families either. My heart breaks with yours that you are enduring so much pain and sorrow of the waiting to see.... I pray things will be okay for you and your baby. Sending you a big hug...
hang in there sweetie.
Peggy Biggs

Kalyn said...

Latisha, I have no idea the pain you're feeling right now, but I will be praying for you, for health and peace of mind. I wish you the very best.

Brenda said...

I feel for you. The having to wait and see before you can even know what to feel seems unbearable. I have had 2 miscarriages but after each God gave me a beautiful boy and now we have 3 children. I don't know how people get through without leaning on God, it was putting my full trust in him and giving it over to him that helped me to get through. I am praying that whatever his plan is for that wee baby is what will happen and he will give you all you need for whatever the outcome is. Much love to you and your family.

Allison Cope said...

Sending prayers that the baby will stay put and grow big and healthy and be the light of your life! Stay positive! Sending lots of hugs from afar...

Lynnette said...

Latisha, I'm so sorry to read what you are going through. I have not been through anything like this, but I have had friends who have and have seen the anguish. I am lifting you and your family up in prayer.

Anonymous said...

You might consider having your progesterone levels checked. My sister miscarried 5 times until a knowledgable OB/GYN ran blood work and discovered that the low progesterone was allowing the placenta to detach from the uterine wall prematurely (in her 3rd month). They put her on progesterone vaginal suppositories and she was able to carry the next two pregnancies through full term without a hitch. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she started the progesterone treatments. Best of Luck to you.

Sandra said...

my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sandra

Becky said...

Praying for you. Loving you from afar and praying especially for any physical pain that you may be in, because you are alone and probably a little scared. I will pray for more peace for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Hugs.

Niki Estes said...

Hugs, Latisha! My first pregnancy sounds much like what you are going through. I had terrible cramps and bleeding. My doctor told me I was probably miscarrying. I had to have my blood drawn and my hcg levels tested every other day. They didn't double like they are supposed to, but they did continue to slowly get higher. I don't know why I had the cramping, bleeding, and slowly rising hcg levels, but everything ended up okay and our son is now 7. I know the waiting and not knowing is so hard. You're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything turns out okay for you, too.

Amy Sheffer said...

I know the pain of miscarriage and the anguish of waiting. Praying for you, Latisha.

Laura O'Donnell said...

Something like this has happened to 2 of my neighbors. They both had pain and heavy bleeding, were put on bedrest in the first trimester, but then the danger passed and they both had successful full term pregnancies. I'm hoping and praying for you, Latisha!

Belinda Popovich said...

I'm praying for you too, I know how much a miscarriage can hurt and the emotional ordeal to go with it, I pray it will work out for the best

*hugs*

E. Marie said...

My heart aches so much for you. I am praying for you to have the strength and peace to face whatever happens. I wish the best for you.

Nicole Maki said...

Reading your FB posts, I worried that you were going through something like this.

My heart just breaks for you as it's such a painful ordeal. We went through similar sounding miscarriages twice between my pregnancies with our three boys and both just flattened me.

Once pregnant, it's like there is another seat at your table and losing that is agony.

That said, my son Avery (now 13) was a threatened miscarriage, the doctors actually said I had zero chance of him surviving and things worked out. There was bedrest, meds and a lot of prayers but we made it.

Praying for you.

Savannah O'Gwynn said...

I am so sorry, Latisha! Please know that you are being lifted up in prayer--and that God hears our crys {Jer. 29:11-13}. Please let me know if I can do anything to help!

Thanks for being brave and sharing your situation with us!

bethann d said...

i am so sorry for your difficulties. my story. 8 years of infertility, many tests (painful mostly) meds, and other procedures. JOY, pregnant, then a doctor visit, possibility of twins... ultrasound later showed an empty uterus, no baby much less two. sceduled for a D&C next day. prayed all night simply Thy will be done ane asking my beloved grandmother to take the babies soul under her wing. well, just before the D&C another ultrasound and there was a beating heart, just one, but alive.beautiful girl. Second pregnancy....bleeding throughout.. bedrest (2 yr old and full time job/not compassionate boss)... beautiful boy. Third pregnancy. lost a precious girl. it was God's will, the baby had terrible birth defects, would not have been able to survive long and would have suffered so much. It was a blessing.yes it hurts, still hurts but not as sharply or as deeply and i will see her again, whole and happy. i will keep you in my prayers.

bethann d said...

Add to previous post,, after all that i forgot to tell you how brave, strong, creative you are. Your husband is a hero and so are you. God is your strength, your refuge. He will carry you through. He will not give you more than you can bear and all suffering has a purpose tho it be past our understanding.

Tanya said...

Sending prayers your way

Carol - Fairview Hts IL said...

So sorry for what you're going through. So glad you have strong faith. You and your family are certainly in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. We don't just enjoy your blog, we truly care about you. God be with you and keep you strong.

Vera W. Yates (Ling) said...

Tisha, my thouhgts and prayers are with you. I haven't been succesfull in getting pregnant, but I know how it felt to give up that dream, the pain. My cousin had 3 pregnancies and all ended up in miscarriage. I know how draining it could be. Just want you to know, I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Hugs and I pray everything will go well.

Tina W. (TeaDub) said...

Thinking of you and your family over here in NorCal!

Julie Overby said...

Latisha! First off...Congratulations!! I am so sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Praying that you will have much comfort and get the rest you need through all of this. You are not alone!! BIG {{{HUGS}}}
Julie

Christiana said...

Latisha, your post really hit close to home today. I'm sorry for all that your going through and I just pray that your little one will stay right where he/she is and continue to grow and thrive. And I'm going to pray especially that you would feel your husband's love surrounding you in this time where you need his support and he can't be there to give it.
Huge hugs to you!

Anthonette said...

Hi Latisha,
So sorry to only now be reading your blog. I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now while your husband is so far away.

My SIL's first pregnancy started out very scary like yours. She was in the ER about 4 times during her 1st trimester with heavy bleeding. Once she got out of the first trimester, she was fine. She's due in about 2 weeks.

I'm sending you good thoughts and you will be in my prayers.

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